Up The Dove

I have received a few emails in regards to pregnancy, and I know that a few of you that have contacted me are pregnant. Firstly I am jealous of you for two reason, the anticipation, and the kicks, I do miss feeling Milena inside me, she would move so much and I can see why she does not stay still now lol!!! I loved thinking what she was going to look like and folding all her clothes and fantasising about what our life was going to be like as a family. A part of me would like to say that I thought being a mum would be harder than what it is and a part of me thought it would be easier. My mum and all mums always say how hard it is to have a baby and no one thinks that you will be able to do it!! But we all can, we just have to learn not to be selfish and I think that comes naturally, we are animals at the end of the day and we have lived 20 plus years just fending for ourselves and then this little pudding comes out and it's hard to not be selfless with them because you love them so much, so for you that are worried that you won't be able to do it, I think by nature you will be!! All you have to do is vow that you will do whatever is in YOUR power to love and look after this baby. The reason why I say "your" is because everyone will choose different ways to raise their baby and that is ok, it's more than ok, if that is what works for you!!! So no matter how ready you think you are you will never be ready until the baby comes. Everyone would ask me if I was ready and people would ask me if I had everything, but no matter how many johnsons products you have stacked away, how beautiful your nursery is decorated or how colour coordinated your new babies wardrobe is, you will never be ready, until you are left with that baby and she/he is crying in your arms! That is when you will be ready and you will know what to do!!!

As for my pregnancy I would say I had an easy one, I was so active throughout my pregnancy I would always be on the go!!! Im not going to lie I did not like being pregnant, I hated not being able to walk properly and I never complained for one second whilst being pregnant. I am such a strong character and I really do take everything on the chin and try my hardest to overcome any obstacle that life gives me (even when i was looking at those scales) I got pretty big by the end, and even until the last day I would be running errands. My due date was the 23rd of March and Milena was born on the 4th of April, so I was over due. I was induced, they broke my waters because the pessary was not enough. Once my waters broke the pain was really intense, when you have a natural labour the contracts start light and gradually become more intense, with induction the pain comes straight away, half an hour after my waters had broken My contractions were every 2 minutes and they were a minute long!! I used the gas and air and was puffing on that machine like a nitty at a house rave for the whole time lol. I had a natural birth even though I was begging for the epidural but when they came to give it be me I was ready to push so it wasn't necessary!! I was in active labour for 9 hours and at 9pm Milena was born. When she was born she wouldn't breathe by herself and I was bleeding heavily because although I never tore my midwife pulled too hard when I was delivering the after birth so I lost a loooottttt of blood (2ltrs, our body have 5 lol) (the after birth is the most painful thing btw and the pushing her out is the easiest because your body helps you and wants you to do it). It was crazy because I was so woozey that I couldn't even see until the next morning everything was blurry and I couldn't even see my daughter, all I remember was seeing her black hair and he fact that she looked just like her dad, she was pushed on my boob and I cuddled her, they took her away from me and then the midwives pushed both red lights on both of us and a herd of doctors rushed in for both of us, it was really scary and from that second I stopped caring about myself, (this is what I mean about never being selfish again) although I could see piles and piles of tissue with blood and the doctors rushing to me, I did not care, that little bit of energy I had I just stared at her and at everyone's facial expressions in the room as I tried to understand what was going on!! All I wanted was my baby again!!! Once she was breathing fine and I was stitched up, I still couldn't hold her properly because I just couldn't see, everything was a blur and I had tonsillitis and a urine infection at this point because I get tonsillitis really easily when my defences are low and the urine infection was triggered by the pessary and the swipes on my uterus, so I was a mess. I had also not slept for nearly 3 days and just given birth. Because I was induced I was in the induction ward so I was were all the women about to give birth were and they would individually be screaming their heads off all night and I was being checked every 4 hours so I could not sleep, plus I was strapped to a machine to check milenas heart beat and movement so I could not get comfy, basically I was in a state lol!!! But after a few hours rest I felt a lot better, I cuddled my daughter and examined her and I knew that my life had changed forever!!

In terms of stretch marks, I have received a few questions about that too, I never got any!!! And I never applied anything religiously to my skin. I was lucky because my mum doesn't have any stretch marks and Latino skin is quite good with that. In my personal opinion no matter what you apply to your skin, if you are going to get stretch marks you will, but if you do who cares!!! You have just gone through battle and it will be worth it in the end!!! I obsessed over getting them too, don't worry it is normal and I hated gaining weight, but it will all go. I would stare at my belly religiously but I was pretty lucky because 2 weeks after having Milena I was pretty much "back to normal" still jiggly. And now 6 months later my body still has a bit to go, but I haven't worked out and I eat whatever I like whenever I like!!! But I need to start working on that to get back to my old figure!!!

Everyone's story will be different and some people will have it easier than others but it's crazy how much you forget the pain and how much our bodies can go through!!! After 3 days of no sleep and 9 hours in active labour and complications I survived!! And fuck it! It was worth it!!!