Aiming for that "goals" pic on insta

I have been debating whether to write about relationships and how much a baby can affect one, but I think it is a common on going issue especially with younger couples. It's so easy for me to stunt and tell you all that it's perfect in paradise and that I take group selfies of my family on the bed with Milena on my boyfriend chest and me next to him with a full face of makeup looking perfect. You know those pics that say "goals" on them, lol don't make me laugh. I got pregnant and bought me and Milena matching Prada bags (still too big for her lol, but its pink and mini and so perfect) and that symbolisies what i expected my life to be like. On social media all we see these perfect families and the Kim and Kanyes walking around in Paris looking all hot together. Ummm hello, I have vomit on me half the time, tit milk all over my top and the other half im arguing with my man because I'm tired and he's messed something up or he's out and Milena is teething!!! I am 24 and like me most young mums don't have many friends with babies!! And my non-mum friends just won't understand that's going on!! It's crazy because when you are pregnant you think that this baby is going to come into this world and you have such high expectations for your partner and you have a vision of what your life is going to be like together. You think your going to be taking amazing selfies lol and that your all going to buy matching shell tops and take that mainstream tumblr pic, no this isn't real!!

No matter how many parenting books you read, how many forums you go on or how many baby classes you attend, you can never prepare yourself for what is going to happen the second that baby is in your arms and how much it is going to affect your relationship. From conversations I have had with young couples my first impression is that everyone wants to give off the vibes that they are in a perfect relationship and people do not want to talk about the trials and tribulations because in a way they are scared that they are failing as parents if they admit that things are wrong, but come on I am the first to admit that relationships are very hard work even without children. You have to put a lot of work into a relationship in order for it to work, grow and blossom!! So add a baby into the mix and it all changes, it becomes even harder and guess what you do not have the energy to work on it because you do not sleep! You have a crying baby in your ear, a house to clean, 3+ people to feed. You have just had a baby so you have 0 confidence, you can not get intimate for the first 2 months, it's very easy to loose that connection!!!

Another thing I would like to say is that every relationship is different, my situation will be completely different to someone else's, but once I start to open up to people it feels good because I have noticed that it is normal what I am feeling and that it is common that a relationship will have its strains.

I think men are like children, they need so much attention, just like us. Once a baby comes into the picture you change so much. In my case I am breastfeeding and by nature I am tied to my baby and she needs me so all my energy goes to her. So I am constantly with my child and I can't dedicate time to my boyfriend. So men can feel less loved and that is normal, but it's just time that you need. As time goes on your baby will need you less and when they grow they will start to play by themselves, they are not breastfeeding and you won't have to make them special food ect. So I think it's important to explain to your partner that is is all temporary and that you need time. Sometimes we can't be everything!!! We can't be perfect mothers and perfect partners at the same time, it is impossible!!! But we sure can be amazing mums until our baby doesnt "need" us as much anymore and then we can start working on building the relationship again.

Another thing that I have felt is resentment towards my boyfriend, I was jealous that he could go out and go to places where I couldn't because I have a baby. Why should I be at home changing shitty nappies whilst he's out having fun. This becomes a cycle because when he is out you are hating him, when he comes home you are still angry at him, so you just want to argue!! And then he thinks that you are always mad at him. Oh and let me not start on them post pregnancy hormones to just top everything off!! I think it's important to voice how your feeling and its normal to feel resentment. From people I have spoken to no mater the age, it's normal to feel stuck. In order to cope with this I've just told myself that it will all be different in a year. Also you shouldn't be embarrassed that you still want to have fun!!! Just because you have become a mum it doesn't mean that you can't go out and enjoy yourself, you are not abandoning your child if he/she is with someone that loves them and is able to look after them.

But for now I will carry on being the angry annoying girlfriend (which I hate being) I like to be fun, I miss laughing and staying up until 3am drinking and watching films on the sofa. I miss spontaneous trips to 24 hour food places and date nights! But that's just the sacrifice which we have made. So hopefully as time goes on I can start being that person again!! With a toddler lol. And most importantly I think we need to focus on the love in a realtionship. A baby brings so much love and union into a home so i think its important to focus on why you decided to have a baby with your partner and count your blessings because one day (believe it or not) we are going to miss these days!!! Also if there are any men reading this a little goes a long way and its the same for us females, a little note saying "i love you" or a nice compliment to remind your partner why you are together will do a lot and might just save your relationship during these hard times!!!

good luck (we all need it)

love majo xxxx

(before milena and when date night would be every night)